We've all been downtown on a Friday night hopping between bars when the sudden urge to take a piss hits you. Since you most likely broke "the seal" at a fine establishment earlier in the evening there's no holding this one back and this includes the ladies as well (don't pretend you haven't taken a quick squat in a sketchy alley).
I recently had a night out with some friends and one of my fine comrades showed me an amazing trick to get away with urinating in public. I have only seen this performed by a guy so I'm not sure if it would work for the women out there, but that doesn't mean you can't give it a shot. Maybe make a few modifications to this method and let us know how it worked out. Hopefully you didn't get thrown in the patty wagon.
A quick note before I get started, this isn't an original move. I'm not trying to take credit for originality but instead just doing my part to spread the word. There are plenty of tutorials on YouTube and other fine sites on the internets.
Alright so the first step is to locate a newspaper box, you can probably use a flyer if its only thing near by, and take one out. I suggest the Georgia Straight since this has been proven to be quite effective. Second step is to roll that puppy up so it looks like you're just casually cruising the streets with a rolled up newspaper in your hands (very inconspicuous).
Next, locate a public pay phone or use your cell phone, but I suggest a pay phone since it looks legit (trust me). Quickly unzip and unbutton your pants and stick your dick in the paper so it's completely concealed from any suspicious eyes and just let your bladder flow. While you're taking your piss pick up the horn and just start yelling. Act like your some boss yelling at your cronies for fucking up a major cocaine deal with Frankie across the way.
Imagine you're actually talking to someone otherwise it may sound like you suffer from Tourette's. I can't stress this enough, make the convo look legit because it's the key to distracting any passer-by's or police as the stream of urine flows out the other end of the newspaper. The yelling should make anyone in the close vicinity uncomfortable enough with your angry presence that they speed up their walk past you.
Once you have emptied your bladder, toss the paper in the garbage and continue on your journey to drunken debauchery.
As effective as your news paper method sounds, I have a simpler suggestion... The Vancouver city garbage cans are about the right height to piss in. No one noticed when I tried it, though i did learn this trick when I saw a street champ, aka bum, pull it off; It looked like he was going for cans.
ReplyDeleteYeah yeah, you don't want to look like a bum, who are you kidding, you were just considering pissing in a Georgia Straight while talking to yourself on a pay phone. Even better, combine these methods.
P.S. If I catch you pissing on the back door to by building on Granville i'll make you use your ed hardy shirt to wipe it up while I hate fuck your girlfriend.